(In reverse chronological order... but does that really matter?)
"Did you know that pumpkins are the only living organisms with triangular eyes?"
(Harlan somethingorother, on the Tonite Show 8/20/99)
"Everything I say can mean one of two things... If something I say makes you mad... I meant it the other way."
"I am dyslexic of Borg, your ass will be laminated!"
"Get your degree find a prostitute and move to New York: that'll cheer ya up"
"The number of American fans who now claim to have been in the studio audience for the broadcast [of Kate Bush on Saturday Night Live] is slightly greater than the population of Norway."
"Peter Gabriel and "Sledgehammer" was an interesting song; Steve Hackett and I used to talk about what that song is and why it works, and my wife summed it up once to me: it's clever nonsense, if you're going to have nonsense you've got to be clever."
"<ProgRock> If you were here I'd be all over that like a turbulent boundary layer on a dirty Cherokee"
"<dreamer99> I slurp at the government trough... the eagle sh*ts every two weeks"
"In all my life, I've not been so passionate about any other work. If that sounds like an exaggeration, then you've never danced the wild blue with a supersonic angel."
"We first considered calling our album, 'Peter Gabriel's Up', but decided that just 'Up' way the way to go. We hope in the future that all bands will also adopt this title in a showing of solidarity."
"I sat in a large stadium occasionally watching the 5 dots on the stage hundreds of yards away, playing at HiFi volume. A couple of girls in front of us said excitedly 'I wonder if they're going to do any old stuff like "In the Air Tonight?"'. Somewhere, a hippy died."
"That's not a toolbox - it's an encampment!"
"Don't worry about Mike there, he thinks on a totally different plane than the rest of us."
For a limited time only: The Special Presidential Edition!!
"We cannot define the President's character, but we must define the nations's""If men really ruled the world... Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history."
(November 1998 issue of Maxim magazine, via Carl Lightfoot)
"You're weird. I always have to start my email like that when it's you =)"
"We are all freaky, twizzler-eating, cheese-licking, Elmo-worshipping, fire-starting, donut-smooshing, Coke-guzzling, four-eyed, sexually frustrated, computer-addicted, lard-assed, technically overstimulated insomniac freakazoids :)"
"Junk e-mail is all punishment and no reward."
"It's difficult to work in a group when you're omnipotent."
Dilbert: "Why does it seem that I'm the only honest guy on Earth?"
"Eagles may soar free and proud, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines."
"Save the whales. Collect the whole set."
"Our income tax simply does not deserve a 32nd chance."
Whistler: "I want peace on earth and goodwill towards men."
"Confucius say: Baseball wrong -- man with four balls cannot walk."
"If they take our guns away, what will we use to shoot all the liberals?"
"I have masturbated. Masturbation is sex with myself. I am the same sex as myself. Ergo, I am a (in-and-out fist motion here) hoe-moe-SEX-ual!"
"God grant me the courage to change the things I can,
"Don't be so open minded your brains fall out."
"If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate."
"Atheist achieving orgasm: 'Oh, Random! Oh, Chance!'"
"Black holes are where God divided by zero."
"Gravity - Nature's way of recycling airplanes."
"There are only two kinds of people: those who divide people into two groups,and those who don't."
"Every cat I have ever met stares at me with an expression that clearly says, 'I wish I was big enough to rip out your thorax.'"
"When Amy Grant made the crossover, she forgot to bring the Cross over."
"Where is my 150 million dollars?? I told you to buy SNAPPLE !!!!"
"Windows 95: (n.) 32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition."
"Guitarist/writer seeks receptive minds determined to strive beyond existing stagnant musical forms."
"Trust me, I don't need any more f***ing money!!!"
"Did you know that 'Mir' is Russian for 'Amtrak'?"
"I'd rather have a Hale-Bopp in front of me than a bale hop in front of me."
"Rap is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art."
"She went to college and started the Lesbian Midget Eskimo Albino Student Union, and four hundred people signed up!!"
"All you get from putting your nose to the grindstone is a pointy nose."
"Orange juice, vodka, and coffee: a screw Mrs. Olsen."
Tower: "Cessna Six Five Tango, how long can you maintain your descent?"
"The sky isn't the limit... the ground is!"
SR-71 Pilot: "Tower, this is Alpha Tango Four requesting permission to go to 100,000 feet."
"When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty."