Previous Quotes of the Day
(In reverse chronological order... but does that really matter?)




"Did you know that pumpkins are the only living organisms with triangular eyes?"
(Harlan somethingorother, on the Tonite Show 8/20/99)

"Everything I say can mean one of two things... If something I say makes you mad... I meant it the other way."
(James Taylor - not the singing one!)

"I am dyslexic of Borg, your ass will be laminated!"
(Seen someplace online)

"Get your degree find a prostitute and move to New York: that'll cheer ya up"
(Chel, trying to cheer me up about my whining about lacking success :P)

"The number of American fans who now claim to have been in the studio audience for the broadcast [of Kate Bush on Saturday Night Live] is slightly greater than the population of Norway."
(The Gaffaweb Dictionary)

"Peter Gabriel and "Sledgehammer" was an interesting song; Steve Hackett and I used to talk about what that song is and why it works, and my wife summed it up once to me: it's clever nonsense, if you're going to have nonsense you've got to be clever."
(Yes guitarist Steve Howe, in an interview with Mike Tiano)

"Experiments on live guitars were carried out in the most humane manner!"
(Steve Hackett, describing his latest album Darktown)

"<ProgRock> If you were here I'd be all over that like a turbulent boundary layer on a dirty Cherokee"
(Me, annoying one of my net-pals)

"<dreamer99> I slurp at the government trough... the eagle sh*ts every two weeks"
(Seen somewhere online)

"In all my life, I've not been so passionate about any other work. If that sounds like an exaggeration, then you've never danced the wild blue with a supersonic angel."
(J.D. Wetterling)

"We first considered calling our album, 'Peter Gabriel's Up', but decided that just 'Up' way the way to go. We hope in the future that all bands will also adopt this title in a showing of solidarity."
(REM's Peter Buck on RealWorld Radio, commenting on both REM and PG's new albums sharing the name Up)

"I sat in a large stadium occasionally watching the 5 dots on the stage hundreds of yards away, playing at HiFi volume. A couple of girls in front of us said excitedly 'I wonder if they're going to do any old stuff like "In the Air Tonight?"'. Somewhere, a hippy died."
(Doug Melbourne of Genesis tribute band ReGenesis, seen on the Genesis Memory Bank)

"That's not a toolbox - it's an encampment!"
(Ron Ellis)

"Don't worry about Mike there, he thinks on a totally different plane than the rest of us."
"Yeah, must be a stealth bomber."

(My wonderful co-workers)

For a limited time only: The Special Presidential Edition!!

"We cannot define the President's character, but we must define the nations's"
(U.S. Rep. Paul McHale (Democrat, PA) in House debate, 10/8/98)

"Righteousness exalts a nation, But sin is a disgrace to any people."
(Proverbs 14:34)

"My cousin is a genetic whatchamacallit"
(Linda Tripp, on the Lewinsky tapes)

"Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job."
(Douglas Adams in The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe)

"Well I don't think being horny is limited to the South."
(Dolly Parton on The Tonight Show 8/25/98)

"If men really ruled the world... Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history."
(November 1998 issue of Maxim magazine, via Carl Lightfoot)

"You're weird. I always have to start my email like that when it's you =)"
(Ruchelle Owens)

"I can remain confident in the knowlege that I am a natural born balls of steel hero aviator because I will never have to prove it."
(Scott Black on the EFLIGHT! mailing list.)

"We are all freaky, twizzler-eating, cheese-licking, Elmo-worshipping, fire-starting, donut-smooshing, Coke-guzzling, four-eyed, sexually frustrated, computer-addicted, lard-assed, technically overstimulated insomniac freakazoids :)"
(Me, in an email to a friend)

"Junk e-mail is all punishment and no reward."
(James A. Cooley, quoted by CNN)

"It's difficult to work in a group when you're omnipotent."
(Q, on Star Trek: The Next Generation)

Dilbert: "Why does it seem that I'm the only honest guy on Earth?"
Dogbert: "Your type tends not to reproduce."

(Scott Adams in Dilbert)

"Eagles may soar free and proud, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines."
(Robert Robison, robison@moon.pr.erau.edu)

"Save the whales. Collect the whole set."
(Unknown)

"Our income tax simply does not deserve a 32nd chance."
(Senator Richard Lugar)

Whistler: "I want peace on earth and goodwill towards men."
Mr. Abbot: "We are the United States government... we don't do that sort of thing."

(From Sneakers - one of my favorite movies)

"Confucius say: Baseball wrong -- man with four balls cannot walk."
(Anonymous)

"If they take our guns away, what will we use to shoot all the liberals?"
(Anonymous)

"I have masturbated. Masturbation is sex with myself. I am the same sex as myself. Ergo, I am a (in-and-out fist motion here) hoe-moe-SEX-ual!"
(From a speech by Brother Jed, infamous travelling campus zealot.)

"God grant me the courage to change the things I can,
Grant me the patience to accept the things that I can't,
And give me the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they pissed me off."

(Siddharth Mannay, gt7991c@prism.gatech.edu in git.humor)

"Don't be so open minded your brains fall out."
(mjensen@cpe.valpo.edu)

"If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate."
(Steven Wright)

"Atheist achieving orgasm: 'Oh, Random! Oh, Chance!'"
(Dirk Rackley, vortecs@teleport.com)

"Black holes are where God divided by zero."
(Nick McAlpin, mcalpins@mail2.quiknet.com, on the Eflight mailing list)

"Gravity - Nature's way of recycling airplanes."
(Unknown on rec.aviation.military)

"There are only two kinds of people: those who divide people into two groups,and those who don't."
(Mason C. Johnson [and Carr, where the HELL are you????])

"Every cat I have ever met stares at me with an expression that clearly says, 'I wish I was big enough to rip out your thorax.'"
(D.L. Stewart in Florida Today)

"When Amy Grant made the crossover, she forgot to bring the Cross over."
(Anonymous)

"Where is my 150 million dollars?? I told you to buy SNAPPLE !!!!"
(Bill Gates, overheard on the phone with his stockbroker)

"Windows 95: (n.) 32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition."
(Unknown)

"Guitarist/writer seeks receptive minds determined to strive beyond existing stagnant musical forms."
(Genesis guitarist Steve Hackett in 1971 personal ad in Melody Maker )

"Trust me, I don't need any more f***ing money!!!"
(Phil Collins, second richest man in England, in a 1994 concert.)

"Did you know that 'Mir' is Russian for 'Amtrak'?"
(Jay Leno)

"I'd rather have a Hale-Bopp in front of me than a bale hop in front of me."
(Me)

"Rap is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art."
(Anonymous)

"She went to college and started the Lesbian Midget Eskimo Albino Student Union, and four hundred people signed up!!"
(The Dead Milkmen in Lesbian, Left Handed, Midget, Albino Eskimo)

"All you get from putting your nose to the grindstone is a pointy nose."
(Tom Wilson in Ziggy)

"Orange juice, vodka, and coffee: a screw Mrs. Olsen."
(Johnny Carson on the Tonight Show)

Tower: "Cessna Six Five Tango, how long can you maintain your descent?"
Pilot: "Until impact."

(Seen on rec.aviation.misc)

"The sky isn't the limit... the ground is!"
(Stuart Watson, Love2Fly@megaweb.com)

SR-71 Pilot: "Tower, this is Alpha Tango Four requesting permission to go to 100,000 feet."
Tower: "Haha... roger, Alpha Tango, cleared to 100,000 if you think you can make it!"
SR-71 Pilot: "Thank you, Alpha Tango Four descending to 100,000."

(Seen on rec.aviation.military)

"When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty."
(Unknown)




Return To Index

Merlin's Site Index
Mike
Humor
Flight
Music
Rants
Weather
Friends
Christian
Quotes
Geek
Misc.
Links
Credits
HOME   Email   Pager   OV-10Bronco.Net

 

Hits since Sept. 16, 1998