Mike's Toolbox
(All the tools you really need)


So, you think Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor is cool?? Well, that's because he is cool. Even so, I know for a fact he doesn't have any of these babies in his Binford 6100 toolbox... I checked!!!!

  1. Dremel tool with 14 inch titanium razor blades
  2. Hydraulic labotomy kit in convenient storage pack
  3. GastroGulp 250GI diesel-powered stomach pump
  4. Porcelain staples
  5. Pressure-fed hot glue gun
  6. Seven-sided carbonite-tipped ratcheting hammer
  7. Victorinox Swiss Army drill press
  8. Gary Larson's mystical, magical Cow Tools
  9. Uranium Q36 Space Modulator
  10. Popeil Pocket Shotgun
  11. Bass-O-Matic
  12. Fashionable chartreuse hemostats
  13. Three-cornered Pitney driver set
  14. Black and Decker gas-powered Dweeb Wacker
  15. Genuine alpaca nosehair brush with air blower and hoof-cleaning kit
  16. General Electric J57 Airbrush Kit (with optional B-52 attachment)
  17. Roto-Hooter 00 alignment system
  18. Hootie-B-Gone
  19. Portasuck 2500 earwax remover
  20. Turbo FlowBee!!!!!!!!!
  21. Grit City dry abrasive CD cleaning system
  22. Metal turnings dispenser
  23. GoJo Pumice and Lemon eyedrops
  24. KingCorp Pig Sniffer 911
  25. Electric Chia-Pet trimmer
  26. Sears Thixotropic Vac
  27. Magic 8-Ball polisher
  28. CompuSlick 3.5-inch floppy disk refinisher
  29. Coat hanger straightening jig
  30. Air-powered turbo toejam remover
  31. SuperSnot 2992 Nasal Cavity Pressure Cleaner
  32. Whiff-Buster PU-69 Portable Fart Reclamation System
  33. Kalvin Cling Adhesive Wedgie Dispersal Unit
  34. Lipo-Suxxon "Big Guy" male bra
  35. Rape-away inflatable hooker rape-prevention decoy
  36. Bick Acetylene-fueled cart-mounted cigarette lighter
  37. Kill-N-Grill Deluxe Home Crematorium kit
  38. Upchuck vomit recycling apparatus
  39. QueefKit 32 color-coded underwear cleanliness monitor
  40. Sit-N-Spin-N-Puke
  41. Massachussetts Board of Elections Approved Home Lobotomy Kit
  42. Life-size Wal-Mart Greeter punching bag
  43. Ur-Inc.'s 'Sally Struthers' urinal screen
  44. Pubes-R-Us Complete Personal Delousing System
  45. Eveready rechargeable pacemaker
  46. Craftsman adjustable penis tightening wrench, 27mm
    (guaranteed for as long as you own your penis!)
  47. Oster cereal flake sorting and repackaging machine
  48. Y.K. Kenny Corp. Bastard-Blaster
  49. Craftsman 1/4-inch carborundum earwax removal drill bit

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Hits since Sept. 16, 1998