A friend of mine that I dated for a little while had an ex-boyfriend (also named Mike) who just wouldn't leave her alone. So to make her feel better, and also because I was having a bad day, I wrote down this little ditty for her (she's a musician.) She enjoyed it, hope you will too. ;-)
Ode to the Other Mike
(or, Love Flies Past a Kiwi)
Die! Die! You evil bastard from Hell!
Eat shit and die,
And I'll piss in your eye
Here, let me ring your bell.
I'll hand you a bucket and spoon
You can die under the bright full moon
Just please go on and do it soon
And let me help you die!!!
You Commie pinko scumball,
You broke us up so fast
We both blame you for it all
It's all your fault it didn't last.
We have a plan for you, you see
Straight from the hearts of she and me
Your nuts soon get to meet my knee
So please prepare to die.
You flaming weenie bastard, you are so good at that
We'll stick your tiny little penis in a grinder
And then catch it in a vat
Then we'll sell it to your mom you see,
She'll cook it up for dinner
And you will all want some more to eat
Of this delicious roasted sinner.
I will grind the rest of your body off
Just as slowly as I can
With not a drop of anaesthesia,
You don't deserve it, man.
Your whole family will come over
And they all will eat you up
And they'll even ask for seconds
And have a royal supp.
For they all just think it's turkey
Which it is, when you think it through
Cos you are just such a jerky.
But we're 'bout to fix that too.
So please, go eat shit and die.