You will laugh a long time.
(in bed)

 

I collect fortune cookies fortunes. It started way back in college and I've been doing it ever since. They come mostly from those all-you-can-eat lunch buffet type places, around which there is a noticeable shortfall in the local cat population.

What really makes it fun is that in keeping with the tradition of cheap, mass-produced food, the fortunes themselves are cheap and slightly incomplete. In case you didn't know, the proper way to read a fortune involves adding a phrase to the end. There are a couple I've heard but the one that's my favorite, and the only one that always works no matter what, is: IN BED

Don't believe me? Well, to prove it, I've typed them all up. I started to scan them all in but got tired of that, so here we are. I have also noticed that fortunes can be categorized. I believe there is more to it than dumb luck... the gurus who oversee the Fortune Cookie industry must search far and wide for this stuff and shift the culture of our whole society in calculated and subtle ways via the messages they put in fortune cookies.

There are currently 308 fortunes in the database.




ABOUT YOU:
  • You will never be last in line, you will always excel! (in bed)
  • You are modest and courteous. (in bed)
  • You are never bitter, deceptive or petty. (in bed)
  • You are contemplative and analytical by nature. (in bed)
  • You love life very much. (in bed)
  • You have a potential urge and the ability for accomplishment. (in bed)
  • You are talented in many ways. (in bed)
  • The night life is for you. (in bed)
  • You are the master of every situation. (in bed)
  • Good things are being said about you. (in bed)
  • Beauty in its various forms appeals to you. (in bed)
  • Your mentality is alert, practical and analytical. (in bed)
  • You are sociable and entertaining. (in bed)
  • Versatility is one of your outstanding traits. (in bed)
  • You love sports, horses and gambling but not to excess. (in bed)
  • You have a yearning for perfection. (in bed)
  • You have a keen sense of humor and love a good time. (in bed)
  • You have a natural grace and great consideration for others. (in bed)
  • You have an unusually magnetic personality. (in bed)
  • You have at your command the wisdom of the ages. (in bed)
  • You are tasting the sweets of success. (in bed)
  • You have an unusual equipment for success, use it properly. (in bed)
  • People find it difficult to resist your persuasive manner. (in bed)
  • Your future is as boundless as the lofty heaven. (in bed)
  • You will soon be honored by someone you respect. (in bed)
  • Sing and rejoice, fortune is smiling on you. (in bed)
  • Your home is a pleasant place from which you draw happiness. (in bed)
  • Your love of music will be an important part of your life (in bed)
  • You are gifted in many ways. (in bed)
  • You have a conscience, that is a gift of God. (in bed)
  • You will become more passionate and determined about your convictions. (in bed)
  • You find beauty in ordinary things, do not lose this ability. (in bed)
  • You have the ability to analyse and solve any problem. (in bed)
  • Your charming smile is attracting everyone around you. (in bed)
  • Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook in life. (in bed)
  • Every friend joys in your success. (in bed)
  • You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems. (in bed)
  • The skills you have gathered will one day come in handy. (in bed)
  • People are naturally attracted to you. (in bed)
  • Everyone agrees you are the best. (in bed)
  • Your principles mean more to you than any money or success. (in bed)
  • You will have a fine capacity for the enjoyment of life. (in bed)
  • You stand in your own light. Make it shine. (in bed)
  • You are a bundle of energy, always on the go. (in bed)
  • People are attracted by your delicate features. (in bed)
  • You are the center of every group's attention. (in bed)
  • Excitement and intrigue follow you closely wherever you go! (in bed)
  • You love challenge. (in bed)
  • The secret to staying young is good health, and lying about your age. (in bed)
  • You are full of hopes about your future. (in bed)
  • You are a person of strong sense of duty. (in bed)
  • You have tasted the bitterness as well as the sweetness of coffee. (in bed)
  • You will be of good comfort. (in bed)
  • Others admire your sensitivity. (in bed)
  • You are unusually perceptive about those around you. (in bed)
  • You need to reserve more time for yourself. (in bed)
  • You have an active mind and a keen imagination. (in bed)
  • You are generous to an extreme and always think of the other fellow. (in bed)
  • You have an ability to sense and know higher truth. (in bed)
  • You always know the right times to be assertive or to simply wait. (in bed)
  • You may be conservative, cautious and practical. (in bed)

RANDOM ADVICE:

  • Don't be afraid to take a chance when the opportunity of a lifetime appears. (in bed)
  • We will not know the worth of water till the well is dry. (in bed)
  • Depend on the predictability and steadiness of life to support you! (in bed)
  • There is no rose without a thorn. (in bed)
  • The best profit of future is the past. (in bed)
  • Find release from your cares, have a good time. (in bed)
  • Magnanimity will bring you universal respect. (in bed)
  • Delay is the antidote for anger. (in bed)
  • Be assertive when decisive action is needed. (in bed)
  • Haste does not bring success. (in bed)
  • Try it, you may like it. (in bed)
  • It may be well to consult with others before taking unusual actions. (in bed)
  • Everyone has ambitions. (in bed)
  • You should be of more tenderness and less aggressiveness. (in bed)
  • A modest man never talks of himself. (in bed)
  • A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains. (in bed)
  • An empty stomach is not a good political adviser. (in bed) (It can't spell either.)
  • What's a vice today may be virtue tomorrow. (in bed)
  • In youth and beauty wisdom is rare. (in bed)
  • An angry man opens his mouth and shuts up his eyes. (in bed)
  • The world is a grand comedy to your sense of humor. (in bed)
  • Idleness is the holiday of fools. (in bed)
  • Answer just what the heart prompts you. (in bed)
  • Many receive advice, only the wise profit by it. (in bed)
  • Time is precious, but truth is more precious than time. (in bed)
  • Simplicity of character is the natural result of profound thought. (in bed)
  • Turn a deaf ear to gossip. (in bed)
  • Nothing in the world is difficult if one sets his mind to it. (in bed)
  • The philosophy of one century is the common sense of the next. (in bed)
  • It is better to have a hen tomorrow than an egg today. (in bed)
  • If winter comes, can spring be far behind? (in bed)
  • You may have to be patient now - think, listen and heed signs. (in bed)
  • It is often better not to see an insult than to avenge it. (in bed)
  • Don't put all your eggs in one basket. (in bed)
  • Don't be surprised by the emergence of undiscovered talents! (in bed)
  • The courage to be great lies deep within each of us. (in bed)
  • A good time to start something new. (in bed)
  • Enjoy what you have! Never mind fame and power. (in bed)
  • The world is always ready to receive talent with open arms. (in bed)
  • Love truth but pardon error. (in bed)
  • The joyfulness of a man prolongs his day. (in bed)
  • Don't be over self-confident with your first impression on others. (in bed)
  • Example is better than precept. (in bed)
  • Live a life of serenity, not a life of regrets. (in bed)
  • Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you. (in bed)
  • Discontent is the first step in the progress of a man or a nation. (in bed)
  • Nothing in the world is accomplished without passion. (in bed)
  • What makes an apple fall to the ground? (in bed)
  • Someone can read your mind. (in bed)
  • No one is happy who does not think himself so. (in bed)
  • Promise only what you can deliver. (in bed)
  • The smart thing is to prepare for the unexpected. (in bed)
  • Your destiny lies before you, choose wisely. (in bed)
  • Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. (in bed)
  • Life to you is a dashing and bold adventure. (in bed)
  • Speaking well of others does you credit. (in bed)
  • Miracles happen every day. (in bed)
  • Anyone can memorize things, but the important thing is to understand it. (in bed)
  • It is easier to resist in the beginning than in the end. (in bed)
  • Smile when you are ready. (in bed)
  • Concentrate in what you want and you will win. (in bed)
  • Failure is the mother of success. (in bed)
  • Your success will astonish everyone. (in bed)
  • The eyes believe themselves; the ears believe other people. (in bed)
  • Never take yes for you answer. (in bed)
  • Your heart is pure, and your mind clear, and soul devout. (in bed)
  • Now is the time to try something new. (in bed)
  • Reflect on yourself before anyone can look down on you. (in bed)
  • The sun is new each day. (in bed)
  • A wise man turns chance into good fortune. (in bed)
  • You will be successful in anything relating to sports. (in bed)
  • Adversity is the test for strong men. (in bed)
  • Your dreams are never silly; depend on them to guide you. (in bed)
  • Today it's up to you to create the peacefulness you long for. (in bed)
  • It is much easier to be critical than to be correct. (in bed)
  • Do not give up, the beginning is always the hardest. (in bed)
  • Keep true to the dreams of your youth. (in bed)
  • This is really a lovely day. Congratulations! (in bed)
  • The weather is wonderful. (in bed)
  • It is better to deal with problems before they arise. (in bed)
  • When you gather all your resources together, Goals are accomplished. (in bed)
  • It tastes sweet. (in bed)
  • Happy life is just in front of you. (in bed)
  • Suppose you can get what you want... (in bed)
  • Don't let history control you. (in bed)
  • The truth will surface on its own. (in bed)
  • Things are not always what they seem. (in bed)
  • Keep up the good work. You will be rewarded. (in bed)
  • Simplicity and clarity should be your theme in dress. (in bed)
  • From listening comes wisdom and from speaking repentance. (in bed)
  • You never know who you touch. (in bed)
  • You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try. (in bed)

WORK:

  • Pray for what you want, but work for the things you need. (in bed)
  • You will be successful in your work. (in bed)
  • A job promotion is in your future. (in bed)
  • You are next in line for promotion in your firm. (in bed)
  • You will be successful in your career. (in bed)
  • All your hard work will soon pay off. (in bed)
  • Executive ability is prominent in your make up. (in bed)
  • Take the credit when your boss finally notices. (in bed)
  • You'll get more secure and confident in your relationships with co-workers (in bed)
  • All your hard work will soon be paid off. (in bed)
  • You will be singled out for promotion. (in bed)
  • It is quality rather than quantity that matters. Do a good job. (in bed)
  • You are soon going to change your present line of work. (in bed)

TRAVEL:

  • Maybe you can live on the moon in next century. (in bed)
  • You are one of the people who "goes places in life." (in bed)
  • You will travel far and wide for both pleasure and business. (in bed)
  • You are going to take a vacation. (in bed)
  • You are heading in the right direction. (in bed)
  • Traveling this year will bring your life into greater perspective. (in bed)
  • You are heading for a land of sunshine. (in bed)
  • Wish you a good journey. (in bed)
  • Adventure can be a real happiness. (in bed)
  • If you can't decide up or down try moving across. (in bed)
  • Sometimes travel to new places leads to great transformation. (in bed)
  • A new environment makes all the difference in the world. (in bed)
  • Take a vacation, you will have unexpected gains. (in bed)

SOCIALLY CONSCIOUS:

  • He who waits to do a great deal of good at once, will never do anything. (in bed)
  • There is not greater pleasure than seeing your lived (sic) ones prosper. (in bed)
  • You are broad minded and socially active. (in bed)
  • You will be advanced socially, without any special effort. (in bed)
  • Participate in a neighborhood event. (in bed)
  • You believe in the goodness of mankind. (in bed)
  • If you continually give, you will continually have. (in bed)
  • Everyone has the right to choose one's own lifestyle (in bed)
  • For a good cause, wrongdoing may be virtuous. (in bed)
  • Your example will inspire others. (in bed)
  • There is no greater wisdom than kindness. (in bed)
  • If a true sense of value is to be yours it must come through service. (in bed)
  • It takes courage to admit fault. (in bed)
  • This is a good time to consider formally helping others. (in bed)
  • Think before sharing with others. (in bed)

HEALTH:

  • A smile is the most effective medicine. (in bed)
  • You will enjoy good health. (in bed)
  • Wish you a good health! (in bed)
  • The physician heals, nature makes well. (in bed)
  • Nature, time and patience are the three great physicians. (in bed)
  • Wish you a long life. (in bed)

MONEY:

  • He who knows he has enough is rich. (in bed)
  • In god we trust; all others must pay cash. (in bed)
  • You will become more and more wealthy. (in bed)
  • The small steps you take will ultimately bring you great fortune. (in bed)
  • You will inherit a large sum of money. (in bed)
  • You will inherit some money or a small piece of land. (in bed)
  • It's nice to be remembered, but it's far cheaper to be forgotten. (in bed)
  • You should be able to make money and hold on to it. (in bed)
  • A good reputation is more valuable than money. (in bed)
  • A financial investment will yield returns beyond your hopes. (in bed)

PREDICTIONS:

  • An outstanding opportunity will soon present itself to you. (in bed)
  • Attractive proposals will prove less than desirable. (in bed)
  • A cheerful letter or message in on its way to you. (in bed)
  • Your critical insights can provide the stimulus for change. (in bed)
  • Your life will be happy and peaceful. (in bed)
  • Luck is in your near future... Look for a new opportunity in your life today. (in bed)
  • Everywhere you choose to go, friendly faces will greet you. (in bed)
  • You will be fortunate in the opportunities presented to you. (in bed)
  • There is a prospect of a thrilling time ahead for you. (in bed)
  • You will pass a difficult test that will make you happier. (in bed)
  • You will always have good luck in your personal affairs. (in bed)
  • Your life will be happy and peaceful. (in bed)
  • Your luck has been completely changed today. (in bed)
  • A nice cake is waiting for you. (in bed)
  • A pleasant surprise is in store for you. (in bed)
  • Your ideal are well within your reach. (in bed)
  • You are going to have a very comfortable old age. (in bed)
  • May you have great luck. (in bed)
  • The stars appear every night in the sky. All is well. (in bed)
  • Your secret desire to completely change your life will manifest. (in bed)
  • You will have good luck and overcome many hardships. (in bed)
  • Happy news is on its way to you. (in bed)
  • Soon you will be sitting on top of the world. (in bed)
  • Ideas you may believe are absurd ultimately lead to success! (in bed)
  • Good news will come to you by mail. (in bed)
  • Your blessing is no more than being safe and sound for the whole lifetime. (in bed)
  • You will win success in whatever calling you adopt. (in bed)
  • You will be recognized and honored as a community leader. (in bed)
  • Great acts of kindness will befall you in the coming months. (in bed)
  • You will have a bright future. (in bed)
  • You will have no problems in your home. (in bed)
  • All the troubles you have will pass away very quickly. (in bed)
  • The current year will bring you much happiness. (in bed)
  • You are going to have some new clothes. (in bed)
  • When winter comes heaven will rain success on you. (in bed)
  • You emerge victorious from the maze you've been traveling in. (in bed)
  • You future is sweet. (in bed)
  • Many pleasurable and memorable adventures are in store for you! (in bed)
  • An exciting opportunity lies ahead if you are not timid. (in bed)
  • Doors will be opening for you in many areas of your life. (in bed)
  • The path of life shall lead upwards for you. (in bed)
  • You will make change for the better. (in bed)
  • If your desires are not extravagant they will be granted. (in bed)
  • Good things are coming to you in due course of time. (in bed)
  • Your determination will bring you much success. (in bed)
  • You will be awarded some great honor. (in bed)
  • You will receive a surprising gift very soon. (in bed)
  • A new project will enliven your conversation. (in bed)
  • Your realistic outlook will serve you well. (in bed)
  • Your winsome smile will be your sure protection. (in bed)
  • You will conquer obstacles to achieve success. (in bed)

FRIENDS & FAMILY:

  • Expect old friends to drop by. (in bed)
  • A friend asks only for your time not your money. (in bed)
  • Be firm with relatives who interfere in your life. (in bed)
  • Allow a friend to lean on you. (in bed)
  • Friends long absent are coming back to you. (in bed)
  • You will be reunited with old friends. (in bed)
  • Watch your relations with other people carefully, be reserved. (in bed)
  • Keep your feet on the ground even though friends flatter you. (in bed)
  • A small gift can bring joy to the whole family. (in bed)
  • The time is right to make new friends. (in bed)
  • Many new friends will be attracted to your friendly and charming ways. (in bed)
  • The best mirror is a good friend. (in bed)
  • Your family is young, gifted and attractive. (in bed)
  • Never forget a friend, especially if he owes you. (in bed)
  • The secret to good friends is no secret to you. (in bed)
  • You have a lively family. (in bed)
  • Pleasure awaits your company. (in bed)
  • You achieve great peace of mind when you talk with an old friend. (in bed)
  • Very often you cannot help thinking of somebody. (in bed)
  • You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home. (in bed)
  • Your family is one of nature's masterpieces. (in bed)
  • A happy and harmonious family is important to you. (in bed)
  • There is nothing better than the encouragement of a good friend. (in bed)
  • You have a strong desire for a home and your family comes first. (in bed)
  • You are the center of every group's attention. (in bed)
  • A diversity of friends is a credit to your flexible nature. (in bed)
  • Share your insights with close friends. (in bed)
  • You will be called upon to help a friend in trouble. (in bed)

ROMANCE:

  • Treat your mate to a wild evening. (in bed)
  • Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you. (in bed)
  • Be patient with a mates mood swing. (in bed)
  • Look forward to a romantic evening. (in bed)
  • You are being tested in a relationship. Decisions need a cool head. (in bed)
  • There's a secret romance blooming! Go for it, in spite of your hesitation. (in bed)
  • The heart is wiser than the intellect. (in bed)
  • You have a secret admirer, keep your eyes open. (in bed)
  • You are the guiding star of his existence. (in bed)
  • Tension builds up at home, watch your temper. (in bed)
  • Alas! You are the apple of my eye. (in bed)
  • Love is the glue that holds together everything in the world. (in bed)
  • An unexpected relationship will become permanent. (in bed)
  • Our first and last love is... Self-love. (in bed)
  • Great thoughts come from the heart. (in bed)
  • Passionate new romance appears in your life when you least expect it. (in bed)
  • Romance moves you in a new direction. (in bed)
  • There's a good chance of a romantic encounter soon. (in bed)
  • When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece. (in bed)

Thanks to Ron & Jes for sending more fortunes...




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