Who could do anything to hurt these wonderful kids?? A court of law, that's who.

Kris and Brad

The following was written by my good friend Jennifer as an editorial to the Florida Today newspaper on March 24, 1998 - the day she learned that she had lost legal custody of two of her three children. I am very close to the kids in question, and this whole sad episode upsets me greatly. It is reprinted here in the hopes that in some small way it might help bring about some change, someplace, and maybe keep somebody else from experiencing what Jen and all of her many loved ones now have to go through because of this travesty.

"Possession is 9/10ths of the law". This saying really hit home for me this past week when I lost custody of my two beautiful children. Why? Because my husband took them out of state when he had me served divorce papers over a year ago, and when he came back in town he moved into his parent's home with the children. Due to the wonderful "justice system" in this county [Brevard county, Florida - MSW], it took almost a year to get a trial date. During this time, I was forced to only see my children every other weekend and two week nights every other week, as if my husband already had custody. There were many times when I didn't get to see my children when he conveniently "forgot" to tell me he was taking them away on the weekend. I didn't even get to see both children on Mother's Day. My husband was working two jobs, and then working at least twenty hours of overtime a week. Did he ask me if I could take care of the children while he was at work? No. He was content to let his mother raise our children instead of me.

All of this was presented to the judge more than a month ago, and his decision last week was to keep the children with their father, because they had been there for over a year and he didn't see any reason to upset their stability. Hello? Is it really better for my children to be raised by their grandmother than their mother?

It gets even better. I am ordered to pay my ex-husband $400.00 a month in child support. This figure is based upon a combined salary of around $3000.00 per month, with a child support obligation of $1105.00. I would like to know who, in their infinite wisdom, decided that it takes $1105.00 a month to raise two children. Even full-time day care can't be much more than $600.00 per month for two children. Do they eat $500.00 in food every month? I don't think so. Even factoring in doctor's visits and diapers and clothing can't add up to $500.00 for a 2 year old and a 4 year old for a month! I make $1000.00 per month. He makes $2100.00 per month. How am I supposed to live on $600.00 per month, when rent is $500.00 and I am still expected to pay one half of all marital debt? I asked my lawyer about this, and was assured "it happened all the time". The system that took my children away from me is forcing me to go on welfare! What else can I do? The judge didn't order alimony, even though it was my husband who left me, not the other way around.

Isn't this a truly wonderful system we have? A mother loses custody of her children who ran away with them so he could serve his wife divorce papers. And the system that allowed him to do it has ordered the mother to pay child support, which is forcing her to go on welfare because she can't afford the child support and live at the same time! Could this be why there are so many people on welfare? Because "it happens all the time"?

I, as well as the other people who know what is going on, are hoping and praying that this situation will be reversed soon. We are all numb from shock - how could such an obviously unjust decision be issued from a court that is charged with looking out for the best interest of the children?? In effect, this particular Brevard County Circuit Court judge has sent the message that the ends justifies the means, despite the fact that the children are living with someone that has demonstrated a distinct lack of maturity and a willingness to use the children as pawns in a childish game to prove he's always right. Jen has never wanted, nor threatened, Chris with not having access to his children. She has never even said (nor does she believe) that he does not love his children or that he should be denied the right to see them often. She has made every attempt to be reasonable and work something out, but Chris has been unwilling to listen at every turn. He has often denied Jen access to her own children, and what's worse it that it was almost always simply to hurt her and "show her who's boss", which certainly is not a sign of being responsible or looking out for the best interests of the children.

This is doubly hard for me because I was Chris's best friend since high school. I was even the best man in his wedding. Now I have about as much respect for him as for your typical deer tick, because every single thing he's done since the divorce has been based on his own obsession with hurting Jen and gloating over his ability to use custody of the kids as a weapon to hurt their mother - and he is blind to the effects it has had on the children themselves. In fact, Chris's lawyer tried to settle the case out of court just minutes before the trial because with all that he has done, it must have seemed extremely likely that they were going to lose. And yet, somehow, this decision comes down from the bench despite all evidence to the contrary! I hope and pray that justice, in the legal sense, will somehow prevail in the end. Unfortunately, I can't be too hopeful, from all that I have seen so far. At least I know that God is watching and everyone involved will be held responsible for their actions in the end... I just pray that Chris sees the light and stops this pointless battle with no true winners, before any more damage is done to his children.

Mike Whaley, March 25, 1998.

Latest Update - October 1998
Chris's latest really takes the cake. His current tactic is claiming (in writing no less) that Jen and Mike are totally evil and unfit parents for taking the training wheels off Kris's bike (gasp!!). You know, it's one of those huge 12-inch wheel models where Krissy might fall all of a half a foot to the ground. It took forever for him to learn to ride without them after the old training wheels broke and were taken off... a startling and worrisome whole 10 minutes... and well you know, all the helmets and pads he wears while riding around an empty closed parking lot with his parents (unfit though they are) is just begging for him to fall off and get run over by a semi trailer and die. Of course Krissy's happiness at doing this is not to be enjoyed or supported since his mommy and stepdad are evil bastards and you're perfect... right Chris?? It's always good to tell a four year old that his mommy is wrong and he's not old enough to do anything he's proud of, huh? Perhaps the training wheels somehow interfere with Chris's knowledge that he is the one perfect person in this world and everyone else is wrong about everything no matter what. Oh yeah, The Perfect One is also trying to force Brad to not be potty trained just to try to get at Jen (that's funny, Brad seems to be doing pretty well at it whenever he's not in the custody of Chris and his mommy!) Or is it just so Chris and his mommy can make the kids remain infants forever? That would make a lot of sense, actually, since somebody like Chris with the mentality of a five year old (and selfishness beyond anything I've ever seen before) would probably not want the world to see their kids pass them by so soon in their lives!

Hits since Sept. 16, 1998