(Experiences that shaped and warped me)
Here is where I will tell some true stories about things that have happened to me that might explain how I got into the condition I'm in. Maybe someone will copy these experiences and end up as cool as me someday because of it.
I remember once when I was in about the fifth or sixth grade and was over at a neighborhood kid's house to play. He had this big toy fort with all the army guys, standard equipment for that age of course. We got into some sort of argument over who got to be which side or something, and I remember his mom asking what the problem was. I'll never forget the way the other kid said "Mike doesn't want to do it the right way! He won't go with the flow!" and I remember thinking that that was all he did, go with the flow. Well, I never did go with the flow, and I still don't, whether it's by choice or just cluelessness. I'm pretty damn glad too. Had I gone with the flow, I would have been just like all the other people out there who never learned to think for themselves. I would have been conditioned to believe everything I hear on the assumption that if somebody writes it, types it, or says it it is true. I would have accepted that the radio plays all the good music, because if music is good they will play it. I would have backed down every time I had an idea nobody else understood or cared about. I would have given up on life long ago. If that is the life of those who go with the flow, well then let me drown fighting the current, at least I will get some exercise while I postpone being swept over the dam.
Illegitimus Non-Carborundum: Don't let the bastards wear you down.
A pivotal point in my childhood came, of all places, in Mr. Stutz's 8th-grade physical science class. One day, for some reason I can't find other than divine intervention, I decided not to be picked on anymore. I was always that nerdy kid who was way smarter than almost everyone else and had the self-esteem of a rutabaga. So of course, I got picked on a lot. So one day as the usual gang of idiots (not to incriminate the fine crowd at Mad magazine) was hurling the usual string of insults, for some reason I decided to change tactics. I actually started calling *myself* a weirdo. It was really weird at first, I had spent my entire life up to that point trying to convince everyone else I was not weird or a freak or whatever the name of the moment was. And here I was saying "Yep, I'm weird!" But something important happened then. For the first time in my life, I was the one who was saying what I was, not the other kids. Which soon led to me becoming cognizant of the fact that I was whom I wanted to be, not who they wanted me to be. I still had plenty of problems with some kids of course, but I found that "Mike the Weird" was somebody that was different... in a good way. While the kids picked on me for being smart, the teachers encouraged it and I bet they noticed it coming out more after I decided to just go with it. I had the "weirdo" label all through high school, even after I moved away from where I spent my 8th and 9th-grade years. The freedom I found in trying to be different has made me a better person overall, I think. At times it really got annoying to those around me, I guess it still does at times. But I have also done a lot of things because it seems so natural to be different. When I have an idea that is unusual, when I think of something that most people don't understand, I don't feel bad about it, I know better than to disregard it. If it is a stupid idea, which sometimes happens, I have lost little or nothing. If it's a good idea, then I gain something. But I will never again let those around me tell me what I am or am capable of. And that is how it should be.
Also about the time I became weird, I had my first encounter with the opposite sex. A girl in my English class that sat next to me came up to me before school one morning as I sat in the cold winter wind with a couple of friends, and said "Would you go out with me?" Now this was something I had never even remotely thought about... like I said, I had the self-esteem of a vegetable at the time. I was caught so off-guard I said the first thing that popped into my mind, "Is this a joke?" I really thought somebody had thought it would be funny to get her to say that to me. Unfortunately, well, it was no joke. She mumbled something about "why do you think I'm always staring at you in class?" and I can't remember what I said next but it wasn't exactly a "Yes, let's go out." Soon after, I realized that I really wanted to say that, she was both beautiful and smart. But by then, I had hurt her feelings pretty badly and I was so painfully shy that I never was able to even apologize to her for it. In fact, I felt good for a little while that she asked me but I don't think we spoke for the rest of the year. To this day, I think about that whole awkward mess and really feel bad for doing that to her. I kind of wish that I could find her and apologize, even after all these years, for not taking her seriously that cold day. I'm sure she eventually got over it but I just wish I could set the record straight. Over the years I haven't gotten too much better in dealing with women, I always mean well but never seem to know what to do. Then again, I've been told that the majority of people in the world feel that way too, so just maybe there is still some hope.(?)
I hate the Georgia Institute of Technology. They recently took me to court for a loan which their dumb-ass people forced students into signing (either that or be kicked out of school... I was dumb and chose the loan, which was my only "crime"). These deferment loans were only started as a way to engineer a moneymaking opportunity for the school. My loan was completely and fully repaid, on time even, yet they absolutely refused to show me any of their records about it when I so requested them to. I have receipts for most (not all) of my payments, the amount I don't have is only because they transferred the money internally and wouldn't give me anything to state that (even when I requested it). Then they let it sit for years, as if all was OK, and suddenly they took the whole fabricated affair to some sleazeball lawyer and then took it to Brevard County small-claims court without ever showing me anything showing that I owed them any money. They also never contacted me that they were going to take it to court (which I was actually kind of hoping they would do, since GT sure as hell weren't interested in fixing their own mistake) yet they did it anyway and had me found in default. All without EVER having notified me of the lawsuit (which I certainly had defenses against). I found out that all of this happened well after the fact. GT is operated by the biggest bunch of sleazy, scummy, smelly, law-breaking, lying, hypocritical rotten bastards that ever disgraced this earth. I hope that every single employee of the Financial Aid and Bursar's offices all die a slow, horrible, painful, agonizing death in public involving stoning, disembowelment, fire, excrement, and whatever else anyone can think of that will hurt a lot and shame their entire inbred lineage. I want them to wish they had never been born. Then I hope I can piss on their nearly-lifeless bodies before I kick them in the face a few times and send them along on their direct journey into Hell. All that won't quite make up for what they've done to me and many others, but it might make us all feel a little bit better about life and the state of justice in the world. If you have had a similar experience with GT, or are a lawyer interested in helping, please contact me as I am seriously considering a lawsuit and suspect there are many others out there they have tried to jerk around. Nothing is beneath them (except perhaps the fires of Hell from which they came).
DECEMBER 1997 UPDATE:
Oh, in case you are wondering about why I would say things like this about folks on the Net, here's how I see it. These folks know what kind of scum they are, and if they don't then it's time they were told. I can prove that I am not a liar, I have dozens of folks who will line up left and right and attest to my honesty. But I have had it and if showing them for what they are in public is what it takes, then I'm perfectly happy to do that... all else has failed. Personally I think they should all go to prison to be gang-raped, but that'll never happen I'm sure. But for now, I think the best thing, perhaps the only thing left, is to warn my many faithful readers about these cretins and their evil ways. It was either that or run over the bastards... nah, I hate scraping people out of my car grill... such a pain in the butt and I don't think my rustbucket car will withstand any more impacts. They'll get theirs someday... that's one of the only guarantees that is absolute in life, whether they know it or not!
*Whew!* I feel a little better now. Not much, but a little.
Want to read about a legal injustice that is even worse??.