So, you think Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor is cool?? Well, that's because he is cool. Even so, I know for a fact he doesn't have any of these babies in his Binford 6100 toolbox... I checked!!!!

1. Dremel tool with 14 inch titanium razor blades
   
2. Hydraulic labotomy kit in convenient storage pack
   
3. GastroGulp 250GI diesel-powered stomach pump
   
4. Porcelain staples
   
5. Pressure-fed hot glue gun
   
6. Seven-sided carbonite-tipped ratcheting hammer
   
7. Victorinox Swiss Army drill press
   
8. Gary Larson's mystical, magical Cow Tools
   
9. Uranium Q36 Space Modulator
   
10. Popeil Pocket Shotgun
    
11. Bass-O-Matic
    
12. Fashionable chartreuse hemostats
    
13. Three-cornered Pitney driver set
    
14. Black and Decker gas-powered Dweeb Wacker
    
15. Genuine alpaca nosehair brush with air blower and hoof-cleaning kit
    
16. General Electric J57 Airbrush Kit (with optional B-52 attachment)
    
17. Roto-Hooter 00 alignment system
    
18. Hootie-B-Gone
    
19. Portasuck 2500 earwax remover
    
20. Turbo FlowBee!!!!!!!!!
    
21. Grit City dry abrasive CD cleaning system
    
22. Metal turnings dispenser
    
23. GoJo Pumice and Lemon eyedrops
    
24. KingCorp Pig Sniffer 911
    
25. Electric Chia-Pet trimmer
    
26. Sears Thixotropic Vac
    
27. Magic 8-Ball polisher
    
28. CompuSlick 3.5-inch floppy disk refinisher
    
29. Coat hanger straightening jig
    
30. Air-powered turbo toejam remover
    
31. SuperSnot 2992 Nasal Cavity Pressure Cleaner
    
32. Whiff-Buster PU-69 Portable Fart Reclamation System
    
33. Kalvin Cling Adhesive Wedgie Dispersal Unit
    
34. Lipo-Suxxon "Big Guy" male bra
    
35. Rape-away inflatable hooker rape-prevention decoy
    
36. Bick Acetylene-fueled cart-mounted cigarette lighter
    
37. Kill-N-Grill Deluxe Home Crematorium kit
    
38. Upchuck vomit recycling apparatus
    
39. QueefKit 32 color-coded underwear cleanliness monitor
    
40. Sit-N-Spin-N-Puke
    
41. Massachussetts Board of Elections Approved Home Lobotomy Kit
    
42. Life-size Wal-Mart Greeter punching bag
    
43. Ur-Inc.'s 'Sally Struthers' urinal screen
    
44. Pubes-R-Us Complete Personal Delousing System
    
45. Eveready rechargeable pacemaker
    
46. Craftsman adjustable penis tightening wrench, 27mm
    (guaranteed for as long as you own your penis!)
    
47. Oster cereal flake sorting and repackaging machine
    
48. Y.K. Kenny Corp. Bastard-Blaster
    
49. Craftsman 1/4-inch carborundum earwax removal drill bit
    

Hits since Sept. 16, 1998