Jessica and Mike's Rules
... of Life, the Universe, and Everything


My best friend Jessica Rosch and myself were consuming mass quantities of cheapo Chinese buffet one day and realized three things. One, that half our conversations end up sounding like scripts to Kevin Smith movies (maybe the long-promised Dogma? Or maybe Catma!) Two, that the things we agree on ought to be recorded somehow since we're just too cool for words and the whole world could benefit from knowing :^P Three, it was just too silly NOT to post on the web for the whole world to see.

Some may be considered useful little things to guide you in life. Others are just guides to us. A few are just there to confuse the unwashed. Some just showed up and we don't know why because we sure as hell didn't put them there.

Sooo... without further ado, we hereby present:

Jessica and Mike's
Official List of
Rules to Live By

Presented in no specific order, except in the order we present them, specifically as follows:

Life in general:
  • 95% of the population is sick in the head, mentally unstable, or otherwise somewhat disturbing.
  • Normal sucks.
  • Running down the beach in the middle of the night flapping your arms like a bird and squawking at the top of your lungs is a perfectly acceptable way to spend an evening.
  • Spider: He is our hero!!
  • When playing roller hockey, there is no such thing as too much equipment.
  • Shit happens... life goes on.
  • The truth is out there.
Love and such:
  • When a serious sympathy puker can hang around holding someone's head whilst they toss their proverbial cookies, more concerned about the fact that that person is puking than the actual puke itself... it must be true love.
  • Sex is like sushi. No matter how hungry you think you are, if it smells funny, you don't want it.
  • If you can't be honest with me, you don't deserve to be my friend.
  • Killing someone who cheats on their mate is not homicide. In fact, it's the socially responsible thing to do.
  • Never, ever doubt the power of fortune cookies. (In bed)
  • Butter cookies. Know them, wear them, love them.

Jes, Ron, John, Paul, George and Ringo
Siwwy, isn't it?

Don't forget to check out the random scary phrases we've noticed too!

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Hits since August 7, 1999